When my hubby and I first found out we were expecting our first child there was a wonderful atmosphere around it and a sense of happiness that could not be explained. I had enjoyed the trimesters with no issues and loved every moment of it. Feeling our child growing and also a new love and respect growing more between us as a couple knowing that this was our baby that was coming into the world.
I think the pregnancy was like a dream and I say this only because after giving birth to our beautiful daughter, I felt like I did not have any “real” knowledge of what the journey ahead would be after the she was born, I mean no one really tells you the truths of motherhood – well when I was pregnant there was no one to tell me.
So now looking back on this first time experience, something was amiss and it was nothing the pregnancy or becoming a mother books try to or actually teach you….
It was – support.
Support from other parents who also had a new child who I could rely on for their support with their stories and then, also the sudden sense of my life changing from my normal actions of day to day routine to something totally new. What crept up after that was fear, the fear of loosing who I was and it crept up faster than a spider running up your leg! Scary, right?
I mean bringing your new child into a new world is not just a world wind in itself but it is also the transition of yourself into motherhood and now leaving your personal one person attention mindset and giving it all to another little life. This is one of the first time mom issues that I was never spoken to about and maybe it was because of the times I grew up in or just that no one wanted to admit they struggled too for show of face in the community.
The reality is most mothers including myself at the time of my first child felt alone because of the way people went about treating new mothers. Telling them everything is ok and you will get used to it like after a week or two. It is not only your changed body you are dealing with but it is your emotional state you are also tag teaming with at the same time. It is not an easy journey to go through alone and you don’t have to be alone.
What emotional grief could most of us have been spared if we were only given a more realistic idea, or invited into real conversations on new real motherhood emotions after birth.
But let us talk about the road to or lets say the beginning of my motherhood journey.
The journey began to find my way.
I was isolated with my fears and lonely at the best of days going through this struggle. I thought, but where is everyone now?
I did not attend any groups or mom clubs. I suppose I never made much effort to look for them. But I did make time to read up on motherhood experiences from other blogs and also to my unknown delight I found an unexpected friend who I got share my experiences with and who had just had a baby a few weeks prior to me.
The honest truth is that the hours I spent online and the time spent with my new found mother friend. I ended up finding my courage and it allowed me to feel the normal ups and downs (as I do still up to today with three lovely kids – there is no embarrassment in that) of motherhood. I started to believe in my abilities of who I was as a mother and how I was bringing up my child and embraced it. There is no right or wrong way to be a new mom or even a current long standing mom. The only right way is to believe in your way of upbringing your child and make sure to follow it through.
You turned out great, and so will you child. You are enough and you always have been!
It may not have been as easy as people perceived my journey to be but, it did come with a great sense of relief when it was discovered. So find a friend, follow a blog or even become that friend to someone who has just started that journey. No matter what, you are never alone, during the good and bad.